Some genome-hacking excerpts from the latest, fantastic entry to Bruce Sterling’s Virdian Robot Dog Competition:

FAQ– Does the Ictadopac dog use open source code?
A– Surely the source-code DNA of our dogs is accessible to anyone who follows our dogs with a pooper-scooper. But, No, we don’t offer permission– via Open Source License– to fiddle with our proprietary genome. Our lawyers will pounce on any pirated clones. And we can’t stop you from gene-tweaking or your dog. But doing so violates your Dog License, and voids your Warranty.

FAQ– Why do you recommend only OEM methods and parts?
A—-Don’t tell me you going to let just anyone DNA-hack a dog frequently left unattended in the care of your children?!!?? Such modifications are simply unnecessary. Our 4idog already possess the traits commonly defined as loyalty and fidelity–toward your family ‘pack’ (including your other pets). Ictadopac uses a tendency naturally occurring in domesticated canines to accept people, and even other animals, into their social group. (Non-domesticated wolves, hyenas & dingos lack such depth of interspecies social capacity.) What does this mean for you? Your Ictadopac is predisposed to accept your authority as alpha-leader.

FAQ– But isn’t Open Source License access necessary to fix a broken 4idog?
A– With over a 150,000 years of field testing, the domesticated two-eyed dog genome is a robust, stable platform. Subsequently, problems at the source code DNA level are rare. That’s exactly why we base our product on this time-tested standard. This means that you’ll be able to take your 4idog to any accredited veterinarian for service. Moreover, our product is based on a model so deeply integrated into the human environment (we’ve co-evolved together!) that, in the case of minor physical problems, 4idogs respond positively to many forms of folk-medicine and home remedies.

FAQ– “Co-evolved”? Am I going to get four eyes?
A– No, this characteristic is no more contagious than a wet nose or dog breath. Rather, ‘co-evolved’ refers to scientist’s recent discovery, in analyzing the genome of two-eyed dog mitochondria, that humans and canines have been working and playing in concert even before we reached our anatomically modern forms……. So, in the past, both people and dogs have gone through both cultural and physical changes–TOGETHER. And the changes have been quite positive.

FAQ– So I won’t get 4 eyes then?
A–No. But, your 4idog will bring about changes to your constitution and psyche at a much quicker rate than that of biological evolution. Around your contagiously lovable 4idog you’re likely to experience a heart beat altered for the better, an understanding of nature’s intricate plan and soothing metabolic optimization

Absolutely fantastic. Gets my vote to win, even though I entered and would dearly love an AIBO. Lots of intriguing ideas in there – I like especially the idea of genome hackers wandering around with plasticbags to warscoop the faeces of exotic, expensive chimera…

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