[What is this about?]

“In our more whimsical moments, we thought about giving our new arrival a name that would rhyme with her phone number. Magda pointed out quite sensibly (Magda is quite sensible) that this was a bad idea, and the Government leaflets about the phone number pointed out it was a bad idea.

So little Marta came into the world named and numbered. They gave us the SIM card had the hospital and explained that we could keep it slotted in the TV box until she was old enough to get a mobile.

Our box is a little old and doesn’t have the right slots I think but a groggy Magda prompted the nurse who deals with the SIMs to tell me about how we can get money back from the government if we get a new one.

It’s worth doing – as it gives details of Marta’s progress to the hospital and they can tell us when to come in for checks and injections etc., to the TV, and our phones. Magda says I’m one of those phone hypochondriacs she read about, always checking my NHS stats and rushing to the health food shop based on the recommendations. She reckons that Marta’s stats will have me running around in circles! I don’t care. The SIM lets me see my baby grow up everyday, and that’s worth it.”

Government branding us with a unique identity from birth has long been the stuff of dystopian nightmare. However, most of us volunteer for a unique identity when we sign up for a personal, mobile telephone number. It is not far-fetched then perhaps to see the government trying to get the benefits to them of introducing compulsory ID through the convenience to us of the single mobile phone number from birth.