HLM#2: The Heidelberg V-30 Web Offset Press

Handsome lookin’ machines don’t have to move an inch to be handsome, or save your bacon in case of xenomorph bioweapon attack. Witness the Heidelberg V-30.

^ It’s a handsome lookin’ machine, alright.

I’ve long admired Heidelbergs, from the sheet-fed litho at Harris Printers that I swept around after school; to Rupert’s huge, building-filling behemoths in News International, my first employers after college*.

The V-30 looks as if it could single-handedly produce at least a spiral-arm or two of the Gutenberg galaxy:

“With a horizontal web lead, the V-30 prints at up to 35,000 impressions per hour in heatset mode and 45,000 impressions per hour in non-heatset mode. Solid steel frames extend to the floor for simplified installation, and solid cylinders have simple slot lockups for quick and easy plate changes. A vertical cylinder stack arrangement with a shallow blanket-to-plate cylinder angle stiffens unit dynamics, permitting higher quality printing at higher speeds. Blanket cylinder positioning also allows faster clean up, shortening the down time between jobs. “

That’s great, but what’s the use of a fecund and free press running at 35k iph when merciless swarms of acid-dribbling space cockroaches come a-calling?

The V-30 I believe, with it’s extended finishing options, could be a great place to lure killer aliens to their death within it’s whirling innards:

^ Printing-press or battleground? You decide.

“JF-35 options:

  • Tall air former
  • Rotary blade quarter folder
  • Urethane nip rollers
  • Cross perforators
  • Web severer
  • Motorized former nose slitter module”

You’ll be able to keep one vigilant eye out for suspicious Giger-esque shapes in the shadows, as the controls of V-30 don’t make undue demands on your noodle:

“User-friendly V-30 controls deliver all the advanced features necessary to keep productivity high and makeready waste low. From the console, operators can monitor and adjust everything from ink, water, drive, and motorized registration systems to the tension control and folder settings.”

Just like there’s nothing quite like the feeling of having saved the Earth from a murderous alien brood, there’s nothing quite like witnessing a big web-offset press rolling. Your local newspaper might be gracious enough to allow you to witness the latter if you can prove it would prepare you for the former.

Ratings [1 -> 5]
Handsome factor: ♦ ♦ ♦ ♦
Monster readiness: ♦ ♦
[marked down due to dangers of luring beasts into machine]
Cost: $$$$

Spec sheet is here [1121k PDF]

Another HLM next week!

* not sure Wapping ran/runs Heidelbergs, actually… anyone know?

0 thoughts on “HLM#2: The Heidelberg V-30 Web Offset Press

  1. DarfurGenocide.org

    Over a million people, driven from their homes, now face death from starvation and disease as the Government and militias deliberately try to prevent humanitarian aid from reaching them. The same forces continue to murder, rape and terrorise; and destroy the people of Darfur’s villages and crops, and poison water their supplies.

    This site’s sole purpose is to try to save lives by helping stop the genocide in Darfur.

    It empowers you to take smart, strategic actions to compel those in power to act. It also provides access to the best, most relevant and most upto date information available.

    The situation in Darfur is dire. The choice we face simple. Act now to help save lives and stop the genocide, or watch as another chapter of injustice, cruelty and tragedy gets added to human history for us to read about and regret. Regretting won’t stop the terror. It won’t bring back the dead, nor comfort those left behind.

  2. Leaving spam aside (and blowing my own trumpet a bit, cos I specced it years ago) here is a cornucopia of HLMs. You want to wrap, weigh and label 1000 frozen turkeys an hour without human intervention? Of course you do! Plus check out the groovy flash of how they get the right number of peppers in the bag…

  3. S.O.S., I came across a truly beautiful diagram on your site a month or so ago. It identified different kinds of group interactions, from Dialogue/Conversation to Strangers in the Aggregate. Could you possibly tell me where this came from? Did you design it? I would greatly appreciate a reference for this. Thanks in advance, eg

  4. I’m not so sure about that…
    Heidelgerg is kind of long but narrow — just a tight fit for Croatia or Italy. I imagine you really ment Slovenia 😉

  5. I am looking for a distributor of replacement parts in the Montreal, Quebec area for Harris equipment. Can you e-mail me the information.

    Robert Fontaine

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.